What are the Olde Darlonian Sayings?

Quite simply, they’re sayings that I’ve come up with in spur of the moment situations to offer advice to friends, family and anyone else, in a way that they can interpret and use as they please. It’s always ironic because not only are they not old, in the vast majority of cases they’ve only existed a second or two before I say the words “there’s an olde Darlonian saying …”. Below are some of the ODS I’ve given out, but I don’t remember who or when for most. In fact, this isn’t the complete list. If I’ve given you an ODS and I’ve not mentioned it here, please let me know. ^_^

There’s an olde Darlonian saying …

• *NEW* Let that Pooh stick carry on down the river after going under the bridge. You don’t need it anymore, and if you try to go after it (or are pushed in after it), you’ll just end up cold and wet
• No matter how new the towel, it’s going to have someone else’s hair.
• There’s nothing wrong with being alone, as long as you’re not the only one.
• He who brushes his teeth and clips his nails in the shower will have more time for fun.
• You don’t need to know the difference between manga and mangoes to enjoy them both.
• It is better to have entered and failed than to have never entered, got a splinter, have citric acid in the eye and injure your personal area with the aid of small toothpicks.
• Your car will run like a gold medalist until the day before your holiday.
• Circling around one topic will only give you one direction.
• When you decide to go the distance, be sure that your backpack is properly closed.
• Those who listen to old wives tales will soon realise where their old husbands have gone.
• Always weed out your village, otherwise you’ll get unwanted guests and your friends will leave.
• Procrastination is golden until deadlines come.
• You can only go as fast as the tractor in front of you.
• Thyme heals all wounds, but mint smells better.
• Life can treat you like a baby treats a nappy. It fills it with lots of nasty stuff, but sooner or later things will have to change.
• Even long-life milk will go sour.
• Grey hair is only awesome when you’ve earned it.
• Always look forward, even if you can’t see what you’re looking for.
• Lolly sticks don’t flush away very easilly.
• He who likes a good nailing will one day find himself of the wrong side of the hammer.
• ‘Could haves’ are a strange thing. They only exist when they actually don’t.
• One mans getting up in the morning is another mans going to bed.
• If you dry yourself before stepping out of the shower, you have less water on the floor to clean up.
• Learning a new language is a lot like a brick wall. It’s hard and something that shouldn’t be licked. But if you’re determined enough you can climb over it.
• Every so often life throws a can of pop in your face. That can will then drop to your feet and explode into a big sticky mess. Then a random stray dog will chase you down just to lick you because you taste good. Eventually you’ll get tired and just let him catch up and lick you. Although something gives you pain, pleasure can be had by another person.
• Having cake can be sweet, having grapefruit can be sour, but drinking sand can be dry and not great for your system.
• To those people out there who say that 4 day old pancake batter should be thrown out, I say “I’ll have yours then”.
• It has been said that a smile is more infectious than a cold, but it is much more pleasant for both the giver and the recipient.
• Flying the nest too early will lead to a very fast trip to the floor.
• It’s ok to spread the focus at times, but the more you spread it the thinner the layer is.
• When you look at the floor, you see more than just rainclouds.
• When inspiration goes out the window, why not go with it?
• He who keeps poking things in his ear, is he who is most likely to discover something smart.
• Life is like a Marshmallow; soft, sweet, and so much fun when they melt and get stuck into things.
• By biting your tongue you only hurt one person.